How To Occupy Interesting Shapes

I'll be honest, the past couple of weeks have just sucked. And the past few months. And, if I'm going to really transparent, the past Y-E-A-R has just been an awful mess of a place. There's no reason to go into the gritty details, but let it suffice to say that grief and money troubles have been happily wed to one another for far, far, too long. But that's how life goes sometimes, isn't it?

Through no fault of our own, sometimes life just unfolds in the most draconian way possible. We lose people we love, we struggle to make ends meet, relationships crumble, and our limits are put to the absolute test. It's boss battle after boss battle, while we scramble, searching for a safe place to just rest for a damn minute.

And through it all, no matter what our struggle is, there will be the "Helpful Guide." A person in our life who is always happy to give advice on how--if you had just done what they said-- you could have avoided misfortune. As if following their advice can halt death itself. The Helpful Guide can take many forms. They could be a trusted mentor, a family member, or--my personal favorite--the perfect stranger who knows absolutely nothing about you.

Their advice takes many forms too, but all boils down to the same idea--you have to fit into the culturally accepted ideal in order to live a good life. They always say they're just worried about you. That their just looking out for you so your life doesn't meet a Steinbeck-ian end. Such advice is to be discarded immediately. It always hits where it would hurt most and makes the receiver of said advice lose the last shred of hope and confidence they had. It's not helpful, it's not encouraging. It's only purpose is to make the Helpful Guide feel as if they did their job and are no longer obligated to offer any form of sympathy or actual help. It's all about them. Now, let me tell you, as a mixed-ethnicity woman--who also happens to be an artist--I've received Ted Talk length lectures on what I'm doing wrong with my life. This list of advice includes:

*Fat shaming, so that I could find a husband. *Being told to act more white. *Being told I have to quit art and find a real way to provide for myself--as I'm now too old to ever marry. *Being told to dumb myself down, because I was too intimidating to the opposite sex. *Being told my degrees and occupation are useless, which qualifies me for the Gutter Trash of the Year award. *Being told to quit art and get a real job. *Basically, just being told to quit art any given Tuesday. *To have more confidence. To find a real job, get married, and quit art, of course.

Now, if I have learned anything from this year, it's that the Helpful Guide regurgitates what has been told to them in the past. Some form of "advice" they probably listened to and now regret. Artists who gave up their craft. Women who have spent everyday struggling with their weight, appearance, and worth. The list goes on, and on. We are often told in school to "think outside of the box." To be innovative and courageous. Nothing keeps you in a box faster than taking a Helpful Guide's advice to heart. It's always about the box and how you're supposed to fit in. Again, I implore you to never listen to the Helpful Guide. Nothing great was achieved by staying in the box. Whatever it is you are called to do in this life, you must embrace and explore that path with every fiber of your being. If you are called to be an artist--in all of its wonderful forms--you will struggle. You will have to learn how to be creative with your time and finances. You will have to learn when your body needs to rest. You will have to learn so much more aside from just your craft just to make ends meet. You'll probably need a part-time job of some sort for a while. It will suck. It will be frustrating. But it's going to be okay. Just take a step forward each day to improve your situation in your own way, and you will make it. On those days where you're surrounded by Helpful Guides and think about quitting, please don't. Because, at the very least, I believe in you and your path. Your life is yours, and you are the hero of your story. You may pause to rest, but please don't quit and stay inside the box. You are a miraculous being capable of occupying so many more interesting shapes.