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Looking Forward to 2018
This post topic was chosen by my lovely Patreons! Every month, Patreons get to vote on upcoming content, including blog posts, BuJo themes and more! Their support keeps me going and making new content for everyone to enjoy.
Here we are, a week and some change into 2018, and I've finally found the breathing room to dream. The past few months brought unrelenting waves of grief and depression, with small pockets of peace where I finally felt like myself again. The pain was everything from heartbreaking fear over the name change, uncertainty about my future, and feeling behind of where I should be "for my age." Mix that in with the loss of some personal heroes last year, and I morphed into a secluded, anti-social, hot mess for the last two months.
Not fun.
If I am to be honest, 2017 was a very strange trip. I've struggled with depression for years, but 2017 was the first time I allowed myself to openly fight it. Not just live from day to day, hoping to make it out of bed and into the shower. 2017 was a declaration of war against depression. I jumped in the trenches, developed battle strategies, brought in toops, and found what did and didn't work. It developed into a year of great change and growth. But you can read more about that in the last blog post, if you feel so inclined.
All of this is to say that, for the first time in eons, I feel hopeful about what this year will bring. That's huge for me. Hope is such a powerful tool, especially when you're battling depression. Hope keeps the "what-if"s quiet. Hope reminds you that, while today may be awful, it won't be this way forever. Hope is an underappreciated MVP (but he's still my least favorite character in FF XIII).
So what am I looking forward to this year? I'm looking forward to having more time for friends and family. I'm looking forward to being a guest at conventions again. I'm looking forward to conventions in general--old and new, and the opportunity to make new friends. I'm looking forward to developing programming at my day job. I'm looking forward to all the trips and adventures I don't know about yet.
Most importantly, I'm looking forward to developing Spice & Rose into a cohesive vision of what I want. Maybe it's nothing more than bullet journal stickers and a handful of fandoms. Or, hopefully, it will be so much more than a few prints and stickers. Either way, I'm excited to focus on new projects, and fandoms I really enjoy. I hope you all stick with me through the coming years and the changes!
So, what are you hopeful for this year?
Before I sign off, I want you to know that you are loved. If you are struggling with depression or any mental health issue, please know that help is available to you, and you are not alone. If you are worried that you, or someone you love, is in a crisis situation I implore you to reach out immediately. Crisis hotlines are a tool, and there is never any shame in using them. You are loved, you are powerful, and you will win.
